Hotel California
by mangalover1351
Summary: Authors rule their universes, acting as gods and manipulating their people to do their will. One wily authoress and her assistants get a hold of some of the lesser known characters and have a little fun! Includes Naruto, OHSHC, Fruits Basket, Black Butler, A:TLA, Supernatural, Hetalia, Fullmetal Alchemist, Soul Eater, Thor, DBZ, and Inuyasha. Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

Krillin awakes with a start. He had just been training innocently with Goku, when something had hit the back of his head hard. Then he just remembers black. Groaning, he rubs his neck and sits up, realizing he's in a room with 2 beds. He's occupying the one closest to the door. The room itself is plain, painted light orange. There's a dresser by the head and a trunk at the foot of each bed. The beds are parallel to the door, side by side. Across from him lies a young man, tall and large in stature, with blonde hair, tanned skin and wears a brown bomber jacket with an American flag on the arm. His glasses are askew and there's a red welt on the side of his neck.

'He must have been abducted as well.' Krillin thinks. Then he notices a paper taped to the door. Getting up slowly, he pads over to it and rips it off the door.

_To whoever it may concern. _

_If you have found this, you are probably awake. _

Krillin snorts.

_If the other is not awake, please awaken him and wait until the door unlocks. Do not try to break it down; you will simply hurt yourself. _

Krillin looks at the door and reaches out to jostle the handle. The letter was telling the truth. In hindsight, he doesn't realize exactly why he did this; he already knew it was going to be locked. But perhaps the breaking down part was a bluff?

He rears back and kicks the door with all his might, then stumbles back with nothing more then a bruised foot.

"YOW!" He yells, and the blonde sits up promptly.

"WHAT?!" He yells, disoriented, and Krillin rubs his newly purpling foot.

"Hey." Is all he can think to say.

"Where am I?" The blonde asks loudly, and Krillin shrugs.  
"I know as much as you." He says, and hands him the note. The blonde scans it with electric blue eyes, and then looks up.

"Did you try to break it down?" He asks.

"Yeah, whoever wrote this wasn't kidding." Krillin says, and the young man stands.

"I CAN BREAK IT DOWN, BECAUSE I'M THE HERO!" He yells, and body slams into the door. With a sickening crunch, he hobbles back, and rubs his shoulder.

"I think I dislocated it…" He says sheepishly, pain lacing his voice and features. Krillin sighs and helps him to the bed, then yanks his arm harshly.

"OW!" The man yells as it pops back into place. "THAT HURT!"

"It's better now." Krillin grins. "I'm Krillin."

"My name's Alfred F. Jones, otherwise known as America!" The boy says, and Krillin stares at him.

"America…?" He asks.

"Yeah, I'm the representative for the good ol' US of A! It's that, like, totally awesome?" He says excitedly. Suddenly there's an audible click. They both turn towards the door in confusion.

"Was that the door?" Krillin asks, walking over and trying the handle. The door slides open, opening to a dimly lit hall. Across from him, another door opens, and a man with a large hammer in hand steps out. He spots him and charges towards the room, and Krillin slams the door shut.

"HOLY CRAP!" He says as the man pounds on the door, yelling something in an odd language. Suddenly there's a thud, and the pounding stops. Krillin cracks the door open to see the man sitting on the floor, a hazy look in his eye, hammer beside him. America looks over Krillin's shoulder.

"What was that about, man?" He says, and Krillin shrugs.

"He probably thinks we kidnapped him." He says, when a voice rings through both their heads.  
'Head down the hall towards the light.' It says, and Krillin shakes his head.

"Whoa. For a second I thought I heard a voice." He says, and America grins.

"So I'm NOT crazy!" He says, and Krillin blinks.

"You heard it too?" He asks. America nods.  
"It said head towards the light." He says, scanning the hallway for any source of light. Down the left, there's a bright white light, and America darts towards it.

"Wait! What if it's a trap?!" Krillin yells, chasing him. "And what about that guy?"

"It's ok, nothing can hurt me! I'm the hero!" The blonde says, and Krillin groans.

"I'll go get that other guy." He says, and America nods. The martial artist heads back and slings the man's arm over his shoulder, helping him to his knees.

"I gotcha." He says, and the man reaches back to grab his hammer. "Whoa, chill out! I won't hurt you, I'm helping, see?"

"…I need Mjolnir." The man eventually says, gripping it weakly. "It feels as if a bolt of lightning struck me. Did you create it?"

"No, I can't make lightning." Krillin says, helping him down the hallway. "Hey, did you find a letter in that room you were in?"

"Yes. It instructed me to wait until the door unlocked." The man says.

"Do you know how we got here?" Krillin asks.

"No. I was with the Man of Iron and the Captain when I was suddenly struck from behind and blacked out." He says.

"Huh. I'm Krillin, by the way." Krillin says.

"I am Thor of Asgard, Son of Odin." The man says as they are immsered in the light. It takes a second for their eyes to adjust, but when they do, they realize they're in the middle of a large room, with a bunch of arguing men. Some are dressed gaudily, some plainly, some with silver hair, some with blue, some with orange, and others with black. Some are tall, some are short, some are muscular, and some are thin. Some are extremely pretty.

"Where ARE we?!" Krillin asks, and a quiet voice from the back chuckles.

"I'm glad you asked." It says. It's distinctly female, and all turn toward it.

Standing before them are 7 young ladies. One is chubby, with brown skin, a black Afro and black glasses. Another is pale skinned with a round face and 20's pin up style, platinum blonde hair, a ditzy look on her face. One is thin and angular, with distinctly Asian eyes and skin tone, and a harsh disposition, black hair pulled up in a rough ponytail and bangs hanging into her eyes. Two look almost exactly like the first, the only difference is one is adorned in pink and has long hair, and the other is dressed in navy blue and has short hair. One has golden ringlets, a halo above her head and small white wings on her back, a pleasant smile on her face, and the last is buxom and dressed scantily, with black coffee skin and shiny, jet black hair. She has a bushy wolf tail and ears. The first, the one in the front, smiles at them all.

"I'm glad to see you all made it here ok!" She says. A man with long, silver hair and ears like the wolf girl's, dressed in a red hakama suit, marches toward them and picks her up by her collar.

"Where are we?! Who are you?!" He yells.

"Temper, Inuyasha, baby, don't get your panties in a bunch." The wolf girl purrs, rubbing her nails against her large chest.

"AND HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?!" He yells. The girl in his clutches just smiles, then, without a word, is behind him.

"We are the Authoress." She says, motioning to the group and leaving the group of men in stunned silence.

"The what?" The dog man, Inuyasha, says.

"I am basically the god of your world. My name is Taoku. I command what goes on. What has happened, is happening, and will happen. These are my assistants. Together we make up what's called the Authoress." She explains. Krillin stares in disbelief, but something about the tone of her voice makes it hard to believe she's lying.

"So you're saying some overweight teenager schitzo is controlling us right now?" A ginger says. The girl smiles and nods.

"Your life, for the next few weeks, is mine to control." She says. "I guess we should get acquainted!" She snaps, and suddenly they're all in a poolroom, floating over the water. It has small chunks of ice in it, and she smiles maliciously, doing flips in the air.

"OK! Here's how this works. We're going to play one long game. For the next few weeks, you are all partnered with the person you woke up with, with the exception of Thor, who is going solo." She glances at the man with the hammer. "The name of the game is 'Get the key.' If you get the key, you get your freedom to go home."

"What's the key?" A boy with a black bowl cut and fuzzy eyebrows asks. The girl chuckles.

"Oh, Rock Lee. That's for me to know and for you to find out. But!" She says as he starts to protest. "I will give you hints. But to get these hints, you have to win the games I will set up for you every day. It's like a bad reality TV show!" She cheers, making several people groan.

"Oh, yeah, and if you SHARE these hints, there will be consequences." She says, waving a finger. "Only share between your partner."

"Can we get on with it?" A muscular man with spiky black hair grumbles. She smiles.

"As you wish, Greed." She says, and points to the water.

"This is our opening game. It's called True or False. Basically, I will say a fact about one person, and everyone has to guess if it's true or false. If it's wrong, you get dunked into the frigid water below!" She says with perkiness that's a little bit sadistic. "We go until everyone has had a true fact shared about them. That includes my assistants." She grins and floats over to a boy with an oddly symmetrical suit.

"Let's get started!" She says. "Death the Kid here hates that his twin guns aren't symmetrical. Hold up left hand for false, right hand for true."

Unfortunately, Inuyasha was dunked. She floats over to an EXTREMELY handsome man in a well-fitted suit.

"Sebastian Michaelis wears high heeled boots."

Everyone but Greed was dunked.

"Rock Lee has a crush on a pink haired demon."

His partner, the angel Castiel, Sebastian, Inuyasha and Krillin were dunked.

"Castiel is demon."

Everyone but Castiel himself is dunked, and Castiel scowls at everyone.

"Haha, Castiel is actually an angel!" Taoku says, beaming. By time she's gone down the list, everyone has started to hate her.

"Finally! We come down to the last person!" She says. "I, Taoku of Fantasy, absolutely hate all of you."

Everyone is dunked.

"Aww. Since everyone is wet, no one wins. So my hint will have to wait until next time!" She says, and snaps her fingers. Suddenly everyone is back in the living room, warm and dry.

"I'll be in my room on the tenth floor. Don't try to find it, there's no stairs." She says, smiles, and just like that, she's gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Zuko, crown prince of the fire nation, had been abducted by the so-called goddess of the universe yesterday. Today he stood with 12 other men in a large house, all desperate to go home. But to do that, they had to get the key, which the goddess wouldn't tell them what it was or where to find it. They had to battle for clues, and could only share them amongst their partners.

His partner was awake and looking out a window when the fire prince woke. He was a ginger, thin in structure and with amber eyes that were almost unnatural, dressed in a purple and black suit. Apparently his name was Kaoru Hitachiin, couldn't have been older then Zuko. His eyes shift to said prince as he sits up.

"Sleep well?" He asks. Zuko shrugs slightly.

"Fine." He says. It's very awkward until the door swings open and a girl with golden ringlets, blue eyes, a halo and cherub wings floats in. She was one of the goddess's assistants, her name was Ringo. She smiles innocently at the two.

"Breakfast is almost ready." She says, and Kaoru nods.

"Thank you, we'll be down shortly." He says, and the angel beams, then floats giddily from the room. Zuko looks at him.

'He certainly has a way with girls.' He thinks, trudging down the hall while trying to calm his raging bedhead. In the dining room, all the men are gathered, and it's dead quiet. The tension is so thick you couldn't cut it with a sword, much less a knife. At the head of the table, the six assistants sit and chatter quietly, all except for one. Her name was Maru, she was Asian and has an icy glare that never seemed to falter. It was currently cast over all the men, and finally she snorts, then stands. All eyes shift to her.

"I'm gonna say this once. Stupid Taoku might try to sugar coat it, but I won't. You men are here for a very long time. You might as well get used to it and calm the frick down." She says.

"We're perfectly calm." A boy named Death the Kid says, and Maru's glare grows colder.

"Hah. You all are so scared right now you'd piss yourselves if it weren't for stupid manly pride." She says. Her nicer counterpart, Ai, who has a round face and platinum blonde 20's style hair, pulls her shirt sleeve.

"Maru, be nice!" She whines.

"They don't get it." Maru growls, glancing at the blonde, then back at the men. "Taoku is INSANE. She's also all powerful and might drug you if you continue to act all tense."

"So you are worried for our welfare, miss Maru?" A handsome man in a well tailored butler suit asks. A tint of red grows on her cheeks.

"NO. Stupid butler." She sneers. "If you get drugged and don't play her game, she'll take it out on US."

"That's not what your cheeks say, sweetheart." A tall, muscular man with spiky black hair and small sunspecs says, grinning.

"NOW LISTEN HERE, GREED-" Maru starts, but Ringo shushes her.

"Love one another. Be kind to your neighbor." She says, waving a finger. Maru sneers.

"Bite me, Halo." She says, sitting down as Taoku comes in, trailed by a long line of floating trays. They float to the table and the covers open to reveal a different meal for each guy. Inuyasha looks surprisedly at his steak and eggs.

"This is for us?" Kid asks, looking at his perfectly symmetrical meal in glee. Taoku smiles.

"I gotta take care of you all." She says, fixing her glasses and biting into a sausage. Maru snorts and takes a bite of cold turkey.

Breakfast is mostly silent, and when everyone's done, they get up and leave. Soon only Castiel and Taoku are left. He stares at his meal, barely having touched any of it, while Taoku goes around and puts the lids back on the trays.

"Castiel, are you going to eat?" She asks. He sighs.

"I don't eat much." He says, and Taoku smiles.

"You're my favorite." She says, making him look up.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I like you best. Out of all the boys and men here, you are the end-all-be-all." She says. "I respect you the most. And I feel the worst about trapping you here."

"Why are you telling me this?" He asks, blue eyes looking intensely into her deep brown ones. She shrugs.

"Just feeling generous." She says, and reaches out to him, but pulls back at the last second, hand shaking.

"I didn't know what power writing had." She says, blushing slightly. "I was just a normal girl when I discovered I could shape another universe that may or may not be real. I could put myself in it. I could finally have friends."

"You... Don't have friends?" Castiel asks.

"Not many. Just three. All of them are gods of their worlds too, authoresses." She says. "Right now, in my world that's being shaped by it's own god, none of them have time for me. I'm lonely." Castiel puts it together.

"That's why you brought us all together." He says. She half nods, half shrugs.

"It's a poor substitute, but it works." She looks sad, eyes cast to the floor, but then they dart over towards the door. She snaps her fingers, and it opens, dumping half the guys onto the floor. They had been listening in.

"Eavesdropping isn't nice." She says, walking past them. Lee looks at Castiel, then untangles himself from the guys to stalk over.

"I think she just gave us a clue." Castiel says.

"Alright, maggots. Today we're playing sports." To barks as she paces back and forth in front of the men. "I expect a good game. The rules are this- use any sort of method you want as long as you don't pierce the balls or kill anyone, is that clear?"

"What game are we playing?" Kid asks, and a slasher grin slips across the tomboy's face as she holds out the ball from behind her back. It's ribbed and blood red.

"Dodgeball." She whispers creepily, and snaps her fingers. The room they're standing in morphs into a high school gym, bleachers and all. The men are changed into white t-shirts and red or blue sweat pants, with white sneakers, in a white flash of light. Taoku, and her assistants stand on the sidelines, Taoku, Ai, and Na in red, Japanese style gym shorts and white t-shirts, Maru, Momo and Ringo in blue and white. To stands in green sweats and a green hoodie, with a whistle and a HUGE bag of dodgeballs, 10 feet wide.

"Lee, Castiel, Kisame, Greed, Kaoru and Zuko on red side, Sebastian, Kid, Krillin, America, Kyo and Inuyasha on blue. Thor gets to switch back and forth between teams as he pleases. The rules as follows, no one crosses this line. If you catch a ball, the person who threw it is out. Otherwise, if it touches your body, you're considered hit, and out. If you're out, you go to the bleachers. The group that has the last person standing wins one round. There will be three rounds. The winners of the game will each get a hint. The losers get nothing but bruises." She empties the bag all over the floor, the balls rolling everywhere. "Understood?"

The men all nod, and Taoku giggles, hopping slightly from one foot to the other. To blows the whistle sharply, and barks "Begin!"

Immediately it's chaos. Red blurs fly back and forth, the sound of yelling and shoes squeaking against finely waxed floors fills the air. Quickly, Kaoru and America are taken out, no match for the rest of the team's martial artistry, as are all the assistants. Taoku gets by simply through darting around and stockpiling balls, holding up to three or four at a time and supplying them to her teammates. She's often seen hiding behind Kisame, as he was biggest and he had taken a liking to her squirrelly antics. Soon, she and he are the only ones left on the red side.

"EEK!" She screams, barely dodging a rocketing ball hit by Thor's hammer. The other team has taken to aiming for her, and she was panting like a dog while she ran trying to dodge the flying, inflated rubber objects.

"Why don't you use your powers, girly?" Kisame asks, catching a ball and putting Krillin in the bleachers. She gives a half hearted grin.

"Because that's cheating." She says, and looks over to see a ball rocketing towards her face. She gasps, and lurches forward, but Kisame can see she won't make it and pulls her into his chest, just milliseconds before the ball passes by where her head was. She flops against his sturdy frame, and looks up at him, glasses askew.

"Why..?" She asks, but it's all she can get out before he throws her over his shoulder and jumps out of the way of yet another speeding ball.

"If you get hit, it's just me." He says gruffly. "So stay close."

The authoress blushes a little, and jumps down. But, pretty soon, the shark man is taken out and she follows suit, with no one to protect her. Blue team wins both rounds, and To ends the game with a blow of her whistle.

"Reds, you lose. Hit the showers." She says, snapping her fingers. The red team disappears, and To turns to the blue team.

"As for you. Your clue as follows-" She stops and holds up a key around her neck.

"A notch on a timeline." She reads the engraving, then tucks it back under her shirt. "That's your clue. Think it over." She says, and blows the whistle. With a burst of light and wind, the men are in a large locker room. The girls are nowhere to be seen. Inuyasha sits on a bench, scratching his head over the clue.

"A notch? Like, a scratch? In a timeline?! WHAT TIMELINE?!" He yells. His partner, Kyo Sohma, rolls his eyes while digging in a locker marked with his name for his normal clothes.

"Maybe there's a book or something." He says. "Didn't she say she lived on the tenth floor?"

"Yeah, that's an idea, maybe it's up there!" Inuyasha says, crossing his legs. "Think we could break our way up?"

'Ha.' Krillin thinks, listening in on their conversation. 'When Taoku says something, she means it. There's no way to find the tenth floor. Unless you asked her.'

Suddenly a lightbulb goes off over his head.

'That's it! We've gotta ask them how to get to the tenth floor!' He thinks, a smile splitting his face. 'But how? I'll ask America later.'


End file.
